


Save Me

by HunnyBunnyERZA



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, I'm Bad At Tagging, Married Couple, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Sharing a Bed, just read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 04:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20109286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunnyBunnyERZA/pseuds/HunnyBunnyERZA
Summary: “SAVE ME,” I unwillingly screamed between loud sobs. The real words I was thinking weren’t so far off.Save me, save me Yuzu. I need you, to keep me alive.Aka...Mei has been going through some shit and has a panic attack. Yuzu is there to help.Ahhh I’m bad at summaries just read it





	Save Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. Thanks for reading my story! Here’s a bit of prior knowledge, aka what this AU is. So, this is a post-cannon (it takes place after Mei and Yuzu are already married.) They both finished college and are prepared to live the rest of their lives together!
> 
> Trigger Warning: Mentions of Self-harm, character experiencing a panic attack.   
Ok that’s all, hope you enjoy my story :)

** _Mei’s P.O.V._ ** ** _   
_ ** I looked up into the sky, watching as the sun peeked in and out of the clouds. The movement of the clouds was strangely peaceful. I tried to prevent the tears in my eyes from falling as I looked back down from the sky, bringing myself back into reality. A terrifying reality I can’t escape, even if I tried. I look in front of me, and I see my worst nightmare brought to life. As I read the words written in front of me, I can’t hold back these tears any longer.    
  
Written on the gravestone in front of me reads...   
_ Here lies Mr. Aihara. Beloved father, grandfather, and chairman. May he Rest In Peace. _ _   
_   
Standing beside me was my wife, my beautiful wife, Yuzu. She was holding my hand, she gripped it tighter once the tears started to fall from my eyes. She looked up at me, her shimmering emerald eyes met my violet ones, watering as tears left them.    
  
“It’ll be okay...Mei,” Yuzu said, her voice cracking. I wrapped an arm around her waist and buried my face into her shoulder, trying to hide the fact that I was crying from everyone else who attended the funeral.    
  
Eventually, everyone left, Yuzu and I being the final ones to leave. We walked home in silence, but it was strangely peaceful. I tightly gripped Yuzu’s hand for the entirety of our walk. The sun had already set by the time we reached our apartment, leaving the sky painted beautiful shades of pink and orange.   
  
As we entered the apartment, we both walked straight towards are shared room. I walked over to wall, leaning against it as I buried my face into my hands. Yuzu approached me holding her arms out, ready to embrace me. Once she got close I lightly pushed her away.    
  
“Please... Yuzu. I want to be alone for a little,” I mumbled, avoiding eye contact with her. She gently caressed my arm.    
  
“Ok,” she said, sighing. “If that’s what you want, but I’ll be back soon. I hate to leave you like this—“   
  
“You’re not leaving me,” I said slightly louder, cutting her off. “Please just... let me be alone... for a little.” Yuzu nodded. She gently kissed my forehead before slowly exiting the room.   
  
“But I’ll come back soon,” Yuzu said as she gently closed the door behind her.    
  
Now, I’m alone. Alone with my thoughts, as terrifying as they can be. I went over to my desk and opened the seemingly empty drawer. But inside of it was something I’ve been hiding since I heard the news of my grandfather’s death. I’ve just been waiting, to be alone.    
  
I reached into the drawer and grabbed the knife that I had stolen from our kitchen. I then walked back over to the wall, I sat on the ground as I leaned against it. I held my left wrist out, and pointed the knife towards it.    
  
My hands began to tremble, my grip on the knife slowly loosening.    
  
_ Do I really want to do this? No, of course not. This is merely... a test of sorts. If this relieves any of the emotional pain I’m in, I can deal with the physical pain instead.  _ _   
_ _   
_ I slowly regained the little self confidence I have. I tightened my grip around the knife once again as I clenched my other fist. Slowly, I bring the knife closer and closer to my wrist until...   
_ the sharp point of the knife pierced my skin.  _ _   
_   
Sharp pain surges up my arm. The sight of blood slowly dripping down my wrist causes me to drop the knife. I begin to tremble with unimaginable fear. Fear of dying, fear of continuing to live with these same painful feelings. I even felt, afraid of myself.   
  
_ How could I have done this to myself? Is there something wrong with me, what made me think this would be the right thing to do? I don’t want to die, I want to live! I want to be with Yuzu, but then, why does part of me still want this all to end? _ _   
_   
My head began to throb with all of these thoughts running through my mind. I felt more tears flow down my face. I stood up before I brought my hands up and buried my face into them. Then all of a sudden, I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I wailed loudly, screaming while my sobs got louder too. I tried to quiet myself but I couldn’t, something was almost controlling me.    
  
“SAVE ME,” I unwillingly screamed between loud sobs. The real words I was thinking weren’t so far off.    
  
_ Save me, save me Yuzu. I need you, to keep me alive. _ _   
_   
I kept repeating this in my head until I heard footsteps approaching. The constant noise of footsteps getting closer and closer to me made my head throb more. Suddenly, I heard the door slam open loudly, Yuzu came running through.    
  
“Mei, are you okay, why were you screami—“ Yuzu cut herself off, her eyes widened as she saw me. I followed her eyes as they looked at my arm, dripping with blood. Then at the ground where the bloody knife laid in front of me. Then up at my face, with endless waterfalls of tears falling from my eyes. She ran up to me and gently embraced me.   
  
“Mei, what’s wrong? What happened?” Yuzu asked with concern, but also slight fear lacing her voice. She gently kissed my forehead while caressing the side of my neck. She then loosened our embrace, unwrapping her arms from around my waist before looking up at me with concern. I started to sob more as I spoke.    
  
“I... I’m scared... Yuzu, I... I—” I cut myself off as a sudden pain hit me in the chest. I felt my heart start to beat uncontrollably. I felt out of breath and attempted to gasp for air, but it felt as if I was choking, like my throat had closed up. My legs and arms begin to tremble again as my headache worsened. My vision started to blur before my knees gave out and I started to fall backwards.    
  
Just when my head should have hit the floor, I felt two hands grab each of my shoulders, stopping my fall.    
  
_ Yuzu, she saved me, again.  _ _   
_   
Slowly, Yuzu walked towards our bed, while I remained in her arms, barely conscious. She then placed me down so I could sit on the edge of the bed before sitting down beside me.    
  
“Mei, what’s happening? Should... should I, call an ambulance or something? Mei, I need to make sure you’re okay,” Yuzu said. I could hear the fear in her voice. She was holding back tears, trying to stay strong for my sake. I tried to reply, but I couldn’t speak, my throat felt like it had closed up entirely. I could barely breathe at all. I was just barely able to mumble something.    
  
“Yu... Yu...zu, I...I’m... scared,” I was barely able to mumble before it became nearly impossible for words to leave my mouth. Yuzu grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly. I started to feel strangely hot, sweat rolled down my face, mixing with my tears that wouldn’t stop coming.    
  
During all of this, there was one main thought in my mind, it made my head hurt even more.    
  
_ I’m scared, scared of dying. What if I don’t survive whatever’s happening to me, then what? This constant fear of death, it’s controlling me. It has been since I found out about my grandfather’s death. But what makes tonight, so much worse? _ _   
_   
There were many times I fainted forward, almost losing consciousness. Each time I thought it was the end. But Yuzu always caught me.    
  
_ Would I be dead, if she wasn’t here? _ _   
_   
It felt as if I was dying in her arms, I feared each breath would be my last. But then, slowly, I felt alive again.   
  
__ Fifteen minutes. It took fifteen long minutes before I finally started to feel normal again. Before I could finally breathe, it didn’t feel as if I was suffocating, and my heartbeat went back to a regular pace. Before I stopped trembling as much, and I had the strength to sit up on my own again. The only things that remained were my headache, my throbbing headache which somehow worsened. And the tears, which continued to roll down my face uncontrollably.   
  
I felt Yuzu’s arms wrap around my waist, and this time I could return the embrace. I wrapped my arms around her as I buried my face into her shoulder and cried into it.    
  
“I’m scared Yuzu,” I said between sobs. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. Honestly, I thought I was going to die.” Yuzu tightened her grip around me, trying to hold back her tears.    
  
“I’m just glad you’re okay.” she mumbled. Slowly, she untangled her arms from around me before looking at my wrist again. There was still a little blood dripping from it, pain surged up my arm each time I attempted to move it. I looked up at Yuzu, who’s eyes were widened with shock and fear, as if she’d forgotten this happened.    
  
“I need to go get something,” Yuzu said as she ran out of the room. I slowly laid down in our bed. Once my head hit the pillow I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get any sleep because of this throbbing headache that won’t go away. I sat up slightly as I pressed my hand against my head.    
  
Yuzu came running back into the room holding a bottle of disinfectant and a small bandage. She gave me a small smile as she sat next to me on the bed. She poured disinfectant onto the bandage before gently grabbing my left arm.    
  
“This should only hurt a little,” she said as she pressed the bandage against my wrist. I tried my best to ignore the pain, turning my head away until Yuzu had finished. When Yuzu was done she lightly kissed my cheek.    
  
“Good night, wifey,” Yuzu said smiling. Hearing that nickname made a small smile form on my face too. She tucked me into bed before laying down beside me.   
  
“Yuzu,” I mumbled, attempting to get my wife’s attention. She turned towards me and smiled, I looked into those beautiful emerald eyes of hers.    
  
“Yes?” She asked lovingly as she slowly pulled herself closer to me. “What is it?”   
  
“G’night, Yuzu,” I muttered, smiling lightly.    
  
“Good night,” Yuzu said as she gently kissed me on the lips.    
  
I stared up at the ceiling with my eyes wide open for what seemed like the longest time. I almost gave up on trying to sleep, with my headache refusing to leave, and the uncontrollable tears that still slowly dropped from my eyes. After a while, I pulled myself closer to Yuzu and rested my head on her chest. I felt heat radiating off her body.    
  
“Mei, what are you—“   
  
“Can we sleep like this... for tonight? Please?” I asked, cutting Yuzu off. “I can’t sleep,” I murmured.    
  
“Of course,” Yuzu replied, smiling. She gently strung her fingers through my hair while caressing my neck with her other hand. I gently closed my eyes and fell asleep almost instantly.    


**Author's Note:**

> I hope u liked it. Plz leave kudos or comment and I’ll love u forever :)


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